Daft Dictionary (Microfax Jokes Books)

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Bookkeeper 104. There are eight men sitting on a couch. Three legs break off and six men leave. How many legs are remaining? He is bald. 78. If an electric train is moving north at 100 mph and a wind is blowing west at 10 mph, which way does the smoke blow?

Oh my god, mega drama the other day: My dishwasher stopped working! Yup, his visa expired.” Alexander Henry Buchanan-Dunlop (2014)I’m very conflicted by eye tests. I want to get the answers right but I really want to win the glasses.” Caroline Mabey (2017) Survivors are not buried. 70. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men? The catcher and the umpire. 60. Beth’s mother has three daughters. One is called Lara, the other one is Sara. What is the name of the third daughter? I think if you were hardcore anti-feminism, surely you wouldn’t call yourself ‘anti-feminism’ would you? You’d call yourself ‘Uncle Feminism’.” Jenny Collier (2016) Walk on the living, they don’t even mumble. Walk on the dead, they mutter and grumble. What are they?

I’ve always considered myself more of a lover than a fighter. Which has confused a lot of guys that have tried to start fights with me. They’ll raise their fists, I’ll whip my knob out.” Mark Nelson (2015) Tim Vine has won the award for funniest joke at the Edinburgh Fringe twice (Photo: Getty) An electric train has no smoke. 79. How is it possible for every single person to die in a plane crash but two people survived? The match. 73. If you spell “sit in the tub” as s-o-a-k, and you spell “a funny story” as j-o-k-e, how do you spell “the white of an egg”?If you don’t know what Morris dancing is, imagine eight guys from the KKK got lost, ended up at gay pride and just tried to style it out.” Fin Taylor (2016) Day breaks and night falls 81. The accountant testified “the attorney is my brother,” but, the attorney testified that he did not have a brother. Who is lying?

In my last relationship, I hated being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and refused to touch me.” Daniel Audritt (2018) I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. So we stopped playing chess.” – Matt Kirshen My mate is called Liam, but we call him ‘Two Legs Liam’. The reason for that is because he only has one arm.” Andrew Ryan (2016) What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

More Trick Questions:

I’m entering the worlds tightest hat competition. Just hope I can pull it off.” William Andrews (2018) A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, ‘Yes, of course. – That’s 20 cows’” Jake Lambert (2019) You just know Chilcot was up until 4am, downing Red Bulls and trying to crank out the last 800,000 words.” Alex Kealy (2016)

I dreamt about drowing in an ocean made of orange soda last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta Sea. Two monkeys were getting into the bath. One said: ‘Oo, oo, aah.’ The other replied:‘Put some cold in then.” – Harry Hill My Mum was always saying that thing parents say growing up ‘Wait until your dad gets home’. ‘Wait until your dad gets home, we’ll have a chat introduce you and see if he’ll start paying maintenance'” Hayley Ellis (2016) I just bought underwater headphones and it’s made me loads faster. Do you know how motivating it is swimming to the theme song from Jaws? I mean my anxiety is through the roof but record times.” Felicity Ward (2016) I think jokes about learning difficulties are OK so long as they’re clever’ is like saying ‘I think jokes about blind people are OK so long as they’re visual’” Brendon Burns (2013)

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.